CORE by GiffanyCD
I see myself in the mirror
We’ve come so far
Before I wasn’t like this
I looked nothing like her
Now I look beautiful, in such a beautiful way
I’m not fully developed yet
But soon I will be
My friends said it will happen soon
No amount of letting the demons out will stop this pain
Even if Estrogen helps
I need to see what’s been corrupting me
Me and my anxiety just wanna be cute girls
But something is going on with my body
I sometimes just let out emotion controllably
By this, well it’s not a laugh
It’s like a sigh, a laugh, and cry
I can’t focus on work
I’m so anxious
“DEEP BREATHS” A voice says to me
“Try to imagine a feather” it says again
I-I, I CAN DO THIS
I-I can’t
I look so defeated
I try to breathe slowly
I try to get myself to calm down
I’m crying
I’m shivering
MY EYES ARE RED
“Y0u actually thought you could d3feat me? Pathetic”
I look at them. They look, horrendous
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME
I get myself to breathe normally again
“I am neither good nor evil, I AN NEITHER”
WHO ARE YOU?!
“I’m… you,” She says, as her grin gets more wicked
I let Baddeny take over, she will protect me
Doing so, I become her
“What have you done to us? You’ve done nothing but make us miserable” I say in a bad girl voice
“You think you’re so cl3ver, HA. look what you’ve done, you’ve caused so much pain to yourself” she says to my face
I retort back
“Auhahaha, you’re not neutral, you’re a straight-up villain, let's stop this once and for all,” I say to her, with a playfully wicked tone
“BRING IT ON” she says to us
I regulate my breathing, I’m starting to regain control of us again.
We’re both not letting her get to us
“You’re clearly not a part of me, you’ve done nothing but try to destroy my body”
I wouldn’t have all this body pain
Or dysphoria
Or lack of motivation
“You have n0 brain cells, You idiot! You and you’re dumb little friend are the reason you’re miserable”
I look at her
My eyes are still red
My hair is still purple
She’s trying to use my anxiety against me
“Nobody loves you GIffany”
I try to ignore it
“Nobody cares about you anymore”
I try to ignore it
“You’ve gotten so much worse these past 3 years”
It gets to us a little
“You’re mom is disappointed in you”
I begin to frown
“You make nothing but mistakes”
I begin to cry
“You’re nothing but a burden on everyone you meet, making their lives chaotic and miserable”
I breakdown crying, I feel like I’ve lost
I should just give up
“YOU ARE CANCER”
I stop
I begin to smile
My hair
It begins to start flashing
It turns pink
And my eyes turn a deep shade of teal
I begin to ascend
I rise up
Above the Core of everything
The person who’s putting us down
We have gotten so far, I won’t let her burn us
I begin to laugh
It sounds mature and feminine
“Hahaha” I laugh, my voice sounds so cosmic and otherworldly, but feminine and cute
I sound like a goddess
“So what, I’m an awesome person, who’s only improved my friends' lives. The fact that you called me cancer. Hahaha, you are lying. That’s how I know they were lies”
I let out a fierce, vaporizing beam from my own Core
Inside my body
All the pain and suffering gets let out
And I feel a little better, not great but better.
I pass out
I wake up
My stomach makes an unholy sound
I crave pasta
I see her standing in front of me
“You passed out, so I carried you to your bed” Baddeny says to me
“I can’t believe we have to deal with her. But she’s gone for now”
I look at her
“I’m so hungry, I NEED PASTA”
Badenny does her usual laugh
“Auhahahaha, don’t worry, everything is going to be fine. We’ll get you your pasta”
“I’m just glad you’re ok, Giffany We got through it together. Now go and rest”
“Auhahaha, I’m glad a little cutie like you is safe. You deserve love and affection”
“Even if you lash out sometimes, You still have good intentions. Don’t let your mom tell you you’re disgusting. You’re not”
“You are loved,” she tells me
I go back to sleep
Knowing everything is going to be fine
My breathing is fine
I’m fine
Note: everyone I showed this poem, loved it... not only that, but it got featured at Plymouth State University along with a bunch of other cool poems and art about mental health... It didn't get first place. but I'm still proud of this
also, my friend made it to the finals.... I'm so proud of him