So, it's been a hot minute, I haven't been active for a while. I know things are more terrifying than ever, I'm also scared, and extremly pissed noone has done anythng to stop this chaos. but I think you know what I'm gonna say, don't give up, hope is powerful, resist or something, yeah yeah. I wanna talk about a few things, some really serious shit, I wanna actually talk about what's been goin on with me this whole year.

shortly after the Vs Nova Hotfix, I was begining to sort of lose my mind, I was stressed out about a lot. and all of last year it was starting to bubble up, around November it was bulding up more and more, affecting my mental health more and more, I began doing things I regret, things that we're impulsive and just depressing,and it led to me crashing out. this led to me getting arrested due to a fight I had with my mom, getting arrested, immediatly being put on bail, and having to live with my grandma for around 4 months, during that time, a lot of shit got messed up for all of us, things between my family got worse, I had to witness my grandpa pass away while being there, someone I cared about deeply, I had to witness this side of my family try to control things, which only made my current situation now, worse, with all the stress and chaos that just followed me there, that lead to me getting arrested again and getting put on bail again. eventually the court case I went through on the 28th happened, and I could return to my mom's place, but due to the other case I have to attend on the 8th of August (which dw I'm going to get through this one as well). not to mention, that stupid orange man's chaotic shitshow was goiing on during all of this and is still affecting me.

it's genuinly making it harder for me to wanna do anything anymore, I genuinly just feel suicidal sometimes, I'm not a doomer, I know we will defeat this asshole, it's invetiable and if you say shit like "we're cooked" and "we're not gonna make it to 2026, the US is cooked", the amount of you guys saying that shit dosen't help my mental state at all, it just makes me crash out more. my reason for feeling like this isn't pessimism or doomerism, I know for a fact this shitshow will be over by the end of this year, it's more the little things that bother me. my mental health, recovering from my crashout and the last 5 months, feeling powerless and directionless, struggling against my family, so on and so on, it all keeps adding up. and you might be asking one question... this is still a VS Nova blogpost, right Isabelle?

all of this going on is what caused many projects I've worked on to be canned, given to other people, or just delayed until I feel better. this has all been a damper on my mind, I think it's obvious what I've been doing as well, I'm on hiatus for a bit, taking a break for my mental health, and trying to focus on getting stable enough, beating this court case, and trying to get settled and on my feet again. it dosen't help that after the hotfix, the mod sorta fell into some dissaray, the only people keeping it alive are Me, Tim, and a few friends who like the mod. it's cliche to say it will come out when it comes out, but honestly giving this mod time again is for the best. Tim's plan for v4 is pretty ambitious, and even the songpack I've been working on isn't my highest priority at the moment. literally all the song pack is like a few new remixes and some small updates that we're gonna be in v3 hotfix but we didn't have time. things are scary right now, and I want people to reamin hopeful that this nightmare can end, it really does a number to my creative process, if everyone's not happy, neither am I.

I'm physicaly exausted right now, it's almost 4am and I feel more tired than I have in so long, it's my goal to make it to 2026 and maybe release something cool, but in the meantime, I'm busy with life. wish this stupid war could end already, 5 months of this shit and I'm allready up to here with everything. stay safe everyone

-Isabelle