my day be so fine

and then for 8.000000 picoseconds I just go

"FUCK FNF, FUCK THIS COMMUNITY, I HATE THE FUCKING INTERNET, VS NOVA MORE LIKE A BAD IDEA, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Then I immediately go, "Never mind, I'm gonna go back to working on Vs Nova"

like this post if this ever happen to you lol

CORE by GiffanyCD

I see myself in the mirror

We’ve come so far

Before I wasn’t like this

I looked nothing like her

Now I look beautiful, in such a beautiful way

I’m not fully developed yet

But soon I will be

My friends said it will happen soon

No amount of letting the demons out will stop this pain

Even if Estrogen helps

I need to see what’s been corrupting me

Me and my anxiety just wanna be cute girls

But something is going on with my body

I sometimes just let out emotion controllably

By this, well it’s not a laugh

It’s like a sigh, a laugh, and cry

I can’t focus on work

I’m so anxious

“DEEP BREATHS” A voice says to me

“Try to imagine a feather” it says again

I-I, I CAN DO THIS

I-I can’t 

I look so defeated

I try to breathe slowly

I try to get myself to calm down

I’m crying

I’m shivering

MY EYES ARE RED

“Y0u actually thought you could d3feat me? Pathetic”

I look at them. They look, horrendous

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME

I get myself to breathe normally again

“I am neither good nor evil, I AN NEITHER”

WHO ARE YOU?!

“I’m… you,” She says, as her grin gets more wicked

I let Baddeny take over, she will protect me

Doing so, I become her

“What have you done to us? You’ve done nothing but make us miserable” I say in a bad girl voice

“You think you’re so cl3ver, HA. look what you’ve done, you’ve caused so much pain to yourself” she says to my face

I retort back

“Auhahaha, you’re not neutral, you’re a straight-up villain, let's stop this once and for all,” I say to her, with a playfully wicked tone

“BRING IT ON” she says to us

I regulate my breathing, I’m starting to regain control of us again. 

We’re both not letting her get to us

“You’re clearly not a part of me, you’ve done nothing but try to destroy my body”

I wouldn’t have all this body pain

Or dysphoria

Or lack of motivation

“You have n0 brain cells, You idiot! You and you’re dumb little friend are the reason you’re miserable”

I look at her 

My eyes are still red

My hair is still purple

She’s trying to use my anxiety against me

“Nobody loves you GIffany”

I try to ignore it

“Nobody cares about you anymore”

I try to ignore it

“You’ve gotten so much worse these past 3 years”

It gets to us a little

“You’re mom is disappointed in you”

I begin to frown

“You make nothing but mistakes”

I begin to cry

“You’re nothing but a burden on everyone you meet, making their lives chaotic and miserable”

I breakdown crying, I feel like I’ve lost

I should just give up

“YOU ARE CANCER”

I stop

I begin to smile

My hair

It begins to start flashing

It turns pink

And my eyes turn a deep shade of teal

I begin to ascend

I rise up

Above the Core of everything

The person who’s putting us down

We have gotten so far, I won’t let her burn us

I begin to laugh

It sounds mature and feminine

“Hahaha” I laugh, my voice sounds so cosmic and otherworldly, but feminine and cute

I sound like a goddess

“So what, I’m an awesome person, who’s only improved my friends' lives. The fact that you called me cancer. Hahaha, you are lying. That’s how I know they were lies”

I let out a fierce, vaporizing beam from my own Core

Inside my body

All the pain and suffering gets let out

And I feel a little better, not great but better.

I pass out

I wake up

My stomach makes an unholy sound

I crave pasta

I see her standing in front of me

“You passed out, so I carried you to your bed” Baddeny says to me

“I can’t believe we have to deal with her. But she’s gone for now”

I look at her

“I’m so hungry, I NEED PASTA”

Badenny does her usual laugh

“Auhahahaha, don’t worry, everything is going to be fine. We’ll get you your pasta”

“I’m just glad you’re ok, Giffany We got through it together. Now go and rest”

“Auhahaha, I’m glad a little cutie like you is safe. You deserve love and affection”

“Even if you lash out sometimes, You still have good intentions. Don’t let your mom tell you you’re disgusting. You’re not”

“You are loved,” she tells me

I go back to sleep

Knowing everything is going to be fine

My breathing is fine

I’m fine

Note: everyone I showed this poem, loved it... not only that, but it got featured at Plymouth State University along with a bunch of other cool poems and art about mental health... It didn't get first place. but I'm still proud of this

also, my friend made it to the finals.... I'm so proud of him

Vs Nova development is going pretty well, enjoy this funny cutscene I compressed the hell out of as a teaser

yes, I can actually animate now. took me 3 hours to do this nonstop

also don't worry, BF and GF are just kissing, it's based on that art by Phantomarcade (wish I didn't accidentally fuse both Nova and BF and GF's layers so I could show the full art

We fucking did it, I am no longer HOMELESS, I can finally rest

Now I just gotta focus on school (I am failing Algebra and have to retake it next year)

as for some updates on my projects

VS NOVA development? well, it's... I don't fucking know like I just lost motivation a lot. but I still want to get the mod out when it's gone. like I wanna work on it, but I've been sidetracked a lot. and don't even get me started on me having to remove certain songs due to drama. fucking hell

it comes out when it comes out. I might be able to still release it in July if I truly have the motivation to do so

Oh yeah, Libitina. I have the remaining episodes planned out BTW. it's just a matter of finalizing the scripts and making art.. also I might be able to use Davinchi Resolve again, so stay tuned for that

Triple Trouble Libitina mix, again, me moving just came by so fast, I sorta have Madeline and Susie's sections done. I still gotta get Sonic's section done, finish mixing the other sections, and the other shit I plan for it

Oh, I was gonna plan a sorta Unused and Majin-type show for the channel, but I realized I rip off Nominal way too much. I might ask him if he's ok with it.

also, I might make some more analysis videos, like the Giffany and Monika video

anyways, I'm probably gonna be busy with IRL things. so be patient

So I posted some art a while back, and you're probably wondering why I deleted it.

there are multiple reasons why. but all I'll say is, I think drawing art of me and my "Imaginary GF" can be considered degenerate behavior, a bit creepy even. literally, nobody who saw the art seemed to have a problem with it. but I felt like I made a mistake drawing it

I also have to get this out of the way, I'm not Giffany from Gravity Falls, I'm GiffanyCD. One of the reasons I even got rid of the ribbon on my design, was to sorta distinguish a difference between me and Giffany from Gravity Falls. I don't think I can get people to think that without changing my design to be completely different (my bloody name flipping is GiffanyCD after all, I should just embrace this)

I might honestly just scrap Cassandra as a character, for a number of reasons. I sorta had this epiphany today when remembering "Oh yeah, I don't think people are gonna understand that not only am I, not Giffany from Gravity Falls, but might think I'm some messed up degenerate for drawing an imaginary GF for myself, and will probably think I'm some loser"

There are a lot of messed up people on the internet, and the last thing I want is for people to associate me with them, just because I said some stupid shit on Twitter 3 years ago, or I draw some weird shit sometimes

Sorry for sounding like a broken record, I'm just tired AF, I meant to post this a week ago, and I'm just busy at the moment. Long story short, I'm doing fine, it's just Cassandra was a mistake I feel

also I draw way to many blonde lesbian characters, HELP

Blammed (Novamix) is finished, happy late Pico day

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uljzVkOe9w

It's not what you'd expect. and it's not gonna be on my Newgrounds. but I'll post the link to the video when I'm done with it

shit, I forgot, lemme whip up something real quick

Today is Tom Fulp's birthday. go wish him a happy birthday

here's the twist, you're not seeing it. mwahahahaha